As a child, you go to school, play sports and join clubs, so you’re frequently surrounded by others. You’re constantly put in situations to socialize with your peers, which makes finding friends easy when you’re growing up. But once you become an adult, most of us work full-time. When we get home, we just want to relax. Some of us have spouses and children to care for. There’s more going on and more responsibilities as an adult, which makes finding friends much harder. If you’re an adult who wants to find some wonderful friends, we can help!
The Importance of Adult Friendships
Friendship is important in all stages of your life, but it should be a necessity once you become an adult. After you get married and/or have children, you’re always doing and/or providing for someone else. You’re taking care of your family. Having friends you can call whenever you need to get out of the house or grab dinner can really help your mental health. Sometimes you need to step away and get some fresh air with a friend. Sometimes you need a friend to help you when you’re struggling. Sometimes you just need someone who understands you and has the same interests that you can speak with. Having those great friendships can:
- Increase your sense of belonging
- Boost your happiness
- Decrease your stresses
- Improve self-confidence
- Help you cope
- Encourage you
- Be there to listen to your positives and negatives in life
- Provide support and give advice
- Promote your overall health
It may seem hard to believe, but having adult friendships can really have an effect on your health. Those with strong social support from friends are less likely to develop depression, high blood pressure and other health problems. Additionally, some studies show that those with fewer social connections don’t always live as long as those with more social connections. It is so important that you have friendships as an adult. No one should be locked into a routine schedule of work, take care of family, sleep and repeat. You need social interaction with different people. You need a change of scenery. You need adult friends. 
Keeping an Open Mind to Make Friends
Everyone is this world is different. It is what makes each of us unique. None of us are going to have the exact same opinions or views on everything. People disagree on all sorts of topics, and it is always important to remember that this is a normal part of life. It is important to remember this information, especially when it comes to making new friends. You and your friends don’t have to see eye-to-eye on everything. You most likely will disagree on some things. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You should always keep an open mind. You shouldn’t exclude someone or disregard a relationship with them because you disagree. It is also important to remember that everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect, so is important to be able to forgive when others do something to upset you. Of course it is okay to be upset or bothered by someone’s actions, but you should always be open to forgiving someone who truly made a mistake.
How to Resolve Arguments with Friends
As an adult, you may be thinking that you don’t need someone to tell you how to resolve an argument. But we all have irrational responses sometimes, so it’s important that we truly understand how to respond to behaviors and resolve arguments with our friends.
- Give yourself time to form an opinion. When someone has done or said something that upsets us, we have an urge to act on impulse. Don’t do this. You should instead take in all the information given to you and take the time to absorb it before responding. Give yourself the time you need to form your correct opinion rather than going with the first thing that comes to mind.
- Keep an open mind. Like we said before, keep that open mind. Listen to what the other person has to say. Why did they do what they did? What was their thought process? If you can take the time to listen and understand the other point of view, it will be much easier to forgive them and move on.
- Try to avoid getting emotional. This can definitely be a hard task, especially if you’re an emotional person. But you should try to leave the extreme emotion out. For example, people disagree over cleaning techniques, politics, religion and a million other things. Calm, healthy debates are not a bad thing! But things can always take a turn for the worse when people’s emotions get into the mix. Try not to get hysterical or use personal attacks on the other person because it can cause more issues. It’s always okay to state your differing opinions and say “we agree to disagree.
Resolving an argument might seem simple, but once you’re actually in a situation with a friend, it can be very difficult for you. Remember these tips for resolving arguments.
13 Tips for Making New Friends as an Adult
The most important thing to remember when trying to make new friends is that you have to have the right mindset. You have to have a positive attitude about it; otherwise, you may never make new friends. If you need a little boost, check out some of these tips.
- Keep an open mind. This seems to be a recurring theme, so you should definitely pay attention to it. It’s okay to have friends who are different from you. Just because you have children and they don’t doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. Even though you may be in different stages of life or have differing opinions on a lot of things, you can still have a great friendship. Don’t rule anyone out until you truly get to know them and their morals.
- Don’t dwell on the possibility of being rejected. There will always be those people that are rude and snotty. Not everyone is going to like you and be willing to invite you to spend time with them. But you can’t let that discourage you. Your search will pay off in the end when you find that amazing friendship. Failing a time or two is just a step on the way to success.
- Consider making a list of potential friends. It’s okay to scope out possible friends. The man in your workout class that’s helped you out before? The woman in your book club that has the same interests as you? Make a list with all of these people you think would be potential friends. Once you’ve comprised your list, trying inviting each of these people for coffee or lunch. See where these little get-togethers take you.
- Schedule time for friends. Life as an adult can be busy and stressful. It’s easy to forget about a scheduled lunch date with a friend or be too tired to follow through with the plans. Schedule out your plans with friends and stick to those plans. Even if you had an exhausting day at work, going out with some adult friends can be the stress relief you need. Once you get to your destination with a friend, you’ll regret even considering cancelling.
- Accept invitations. If someone invites you to tag along with them, don’t turn them down! Whether its a current friend or a potential new one, accepting invites is the first step of forming adult friendships. Even if you’re on a budget and aren’t sure you should spend money on something, suggest something else and see if the person accepts. Little invitations from others are a great way to get to know someone and become close friends.
- Be willing to try new things. As we’ve mentioned, you won’t always be exactly the same as others. Your friends may like doing things you don’t; however, don’t turn down an invite because it “isn’t your thing.” Try something new! This will show people how much you care for them and want to spend time with them, and you may even find a new hobby for yourself.
- Use your social media accounts. There are groups on social media for all sorts of things! You can find groups for anything you may be interested in, but you can also find some that are specific to your area. This can be a great way to bond with someone over a mutual interest. Also, social media is a great way for you to reconnect with old friends you’ve lost touch with.
- Befriend your neighbors. In some areas, your neighborhood will be filled with people just like you… adults in similar stages of life. Trying getting to know your neighbors. It can be so nice and convenient to have a friend right next door.
- Consider your coworkers. When you work full-time, you’re spending most of your day with your coworkers. These are the people who see you at your worst and your best. You might bond over your spouse’s or children’s similarities. Your coworkers are a great area to look for new friends. How fun would it be to work with a close friend?
- Join a gym or neighborhood sports team. Depending on where you live, there are many different types of gyms. There are female- or male-specific ones, gyms for bodybuilders, gyms for beginners, gyms that only offer group classes, etc. Consider joining one of these to meet a new workout buddy and friend. Additionally, some communities offer bowling or softball teams. Consider joining one of these to make some friends in your community.
- Join a club. Along with different gyms and sports teams, look for local clubs. A quick Google search of your community will pull up all of the different local clubs for all sorts of different interests.
- Try meeting people at your place of worship. If you attend religious services, this is a great place to meet new friends! You obviously have similar values as others there.
- Volunteer. There are always places that could use volunteers. You should consider volunteering. You could be making new friends while lending a helping hand to your community.
- Circle-Back to old connections. As we age, we often grow apart from people we were once close to. Sometimes it is because of a falling-out over something small that happened many years ago, other times, it’s just because life has got in the way of maintaining those friendships. And don’t forget people you previously met, but never made the time to get close to. Now is a great time to circle-back to these people, make amends where needed or just reconnect with people you haven’t spoken to in years. You’ll be surprised how much you still have in common!
Making new friends is just putting yourself out there. You have to be willing to go out of your comfort zone to meet new people. There are so many ways to meet new people and to find people who have similar interests. There is an opportunity everywhere you go to meet a potential new friend. 
How to Get the Most Out of Friendships
After you’ve taken the leap and forged some new friendships, there are several ways to ensure you make the most of them.
- Focus on quality, not quantity. It doesn’t matter how many friends you have. One quality friend is better than seven friends who don’t truly care about you.
- Ride our transitions. There are many life changes as an adult, which make it easier for a friendship to slip away. But don’t let that happen. Life changes don’t mean you have to lose friends.
- Expect and embrace false starts. There will definitely be some friendships that don’t work out, but don’t let these discourage you. Your true friends are out there.
- Follow up. Between working full-time and taking care of a family, it can be difficult to navigate extra commitments. Follow up with friends to make sure nothing has changed. If plans won’t work out anymore, suggest a new plan to accommodate them so you don’t have to cancel completely.
- End toxic friendships. Unfortunately, there will be friendships that drain you more than they help you. You have to cut those friendships out because they will only pull you down.
Friendships take effort. You have to be willing to put your time into a good friendship. If you can do these things, you can get the most out of your friendships.
Work on Yourself Through Counseling in Massachusetts
If you suffer from different mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety, it can be hard to get out there and meet new friends. It can feel very lonely, and it can even be discouraging. However, Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates can help you cope with any obstacle you may be facing! 
At Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates, our clinicians are ready to help you work on yourself, whether that be your depression, anxiety, addiction and/or recovery, family counseling or even grief and loss. Our team of professionals specializes in helping adolescents ages 12-18 and college-aged individuals ages 18-25. If you’re struggling with any sort of mental health obstacles in your life, there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help and attending therapy. Acknowledging that you need some help is the first step in the right direction on the road to recovery and coping. Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates would love to help you! If you’re interested in any of our services, you can fill out the form on our website and we will contact you to schedule an appointment. You can also give us a call at (978) 482-7351 or send us an email at admin@mvpsych.com. Located in Andover, MA, Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates can provide you with the help you need.
Reviewed By
Dr. David Rainen, PsyD.
I am a licensed clinical psychologist with an extensive background treating a variety of different ages, situations, emotional and mental health disorders in individuals and their families. As part of my 10 year professional and training career in psychology, I have developed and refined my skills and approaches through my work in a variety of diverse settings including: hospitals, community outpatient facilities, college counseling centers, secure and unsecure inpatient/residential treatment programs, and therapeutic day schools.