The intense feelings of pain that follow the passing of a loved one or the loss of something valuable can feel overwhelming. Instead of avoiding grief, it’s important to allow yourself to experience your loss and find your way to acceptance.
The team at Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates wants to help with grief counseling in Andover and the surrounding communities. Whether you just lost a loved one or you’ve been experiencing profound grief for some time, we want to help you find renewed hope and joy.
Start Your Journey to Renewed Hope
What Are the 5 Stages of Grief?
Most people understand grief through the lens of the 1969 book by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross — “On Death and Dying.” This groundbreaking book broke grief down into five distinct stages:
- Denial: During the denial stage, which usually occurs at the beginning of the grieving process, you might pretend the loss didn’t happen. Experiencing denial is a defense mechanism When you avoid your feelings, you protect yourself from feeling pain as you process the news.
- Anger: Losing a loved one causes feelings of intense pain. To mask these feelings, some people experience anger during the grieving process. This emotion can be directed at anyone. You may feel anger toward your loved one’s doctors, nurses or other family members. You may also direct this anger toward yourself or even your loved one because you feel they left you.
- Bargaining: During the bargaining stage, you may experience a range of emotions resulting from guilt. You may blame yourself for your loved one’s death, believing you could have done something differently. To gain some control over what happened, you may also go through different scenarios in your mind while having “what if” and “if only” thoughts.
- Depression: Instead of running from grief, this is the stage where you confront the intense emotions you’re experiencing. During this stage of the grieving process, you won’t be in denial, angry or bargaining about the loss. You’ll feel sadness as you begin to view your loss in the present tense.
- Acceptance: Acceptance is not returning to normal or feeling happy or uplifted. It’s an awareness of what this loss means to you and understanding that it’s a part of your life now. This stage usually occurs after you’ve gone through the other emotions of the grieving process. It can take a while to get to the point of acceptance. When you do reach this point, you’ll be able to remember and love the person you lost while learning how to move forward in life.
It’s important to be aware that the five stages of grief are not a road map. It’s very common for people to skip over a stage or two, or not progress through them in the same order. Some might go through a stage in a couple of days while others might take a year or more. Instead, understanding these stages gives you a bit of insight into what you are experiencing.
Common Reactions to Grief
Few people are prepared to deal with the pain and emotional turmoil grief awakens. Whether it’s the physical death of a loved one or a symbolic loss, such as the loss of a sense of safety following an assault, grief inevitability follows. Grief is as unique as the people who experience it, so there’s no right way to grieve. Some of the most common reactions to grief include:
- Shock.
- Confusion or disbelief.
- Intense distress.
- Anxiety.
- Anger and blame.
- Guilt.
- Periods of intense sadness.
- Crying episodes.
- Contemplating about your loss.
- Vivid dreams or nightmares.
- Loss of sleep.
- Extreme fatigue.
- Loss of appetite.
- Talking to your lost loved one.
How to Cope With Loss
After a loss, you are forced to learn how to live your life in the absence of someone you loved. People cope with these feelings in numerous ways. Common ways to handle the emotions surrounding loss include:
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- Creating memorials for your lost loved one.
- Connecting with others.
- Performing a ritual, such as planting a tree or preparing a favorite meal.
- Practicing self-care, such as exercising, eating nutritious meals and keeping a regular sleep schedule.
- Finding a new hobby.
- Asking for help.
- Attending grief counseling.
Find the Tools to Cope with Loss
Common Types of Grief Counseling
Grief counseling can help you learn how to manage your feelings and emotions. In this way, therapy can put you on the path to processing and accepting your loss. At Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates, we understand that the grieving process looks different for everyone. Our grief counselors have extensive training and experience with therapy for loss. We offer an individualized approach that depends on your specific needs.
We use several clinically tested and approved-for-use counseling services. We can help children, adolescents, adults and families through therapies like:
- Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT): CBT can help you recognize harmful or negative thought patterns while learning different coping skills to manage your loss.
- Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): DBT allows you to focus on the present and be mindful, helping you learn how to understand, regulate and cope with intense feelings.
- Person-centered therapy: This type of therapy enables you to share your thoughts and feelings in a supportive, nonjudgmental environment.
Find a Grief Counselor in Andover
Talking with a professional can help you work through complicated feelings surrounding grief and loss. If the loss of a loved one seems too much to bear, contact Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates today. You can also give us a call us at (978) 482–7351 to learn more about our grief counseling services.
Speak with a Grief Therapist at (978) 482–7351
Reviewed By
Dr. David Rainen, PsyD.
I am a licensed clinical psychologist with an extensive background treating a variety of different ages, situations, emotional and mental health disorders in individuals and their families. As part of my 10 year professional and training career in psychology, I have developed and refined my skills and approaches through my work in a variety of diverse settings including: hospitals, community outpatient facilities, college counseling centers, secure and unsecure inpatient/residential treatment programs, and therapeutic day schools.
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