Intimacy is the sense of another person fully understanding and loving you for who you are, flaws and all. The deeper the intimacy, the more honesty and vulnerability you’ll find in any type of relationship, platonic or romantic. For some, just being present with their loved one is intimate. For others, it’s the happiness and peace they feel when they see their loved one’s face after a period of absence.
Emotional intimacy is a vital component of any healthy relationship, though improving it requires work and attention. Learn more about emotional intimacy and how to deepen your emotional connection with a loved one.
What Is Emotional Intimacy?
Most define emotional intimacy as a closeness in which both partners feel safe, secure and loved. It’s a connection where trust and communication are at the forefront of the relationship, where both partners can be themselves and understand each other on a deeper level.
Emotional intimacy allows you to tell your loved ones personal things you might not necessarily share with strangers. It’s about allowing yourself to connect in a relationship more deeply through actions that express vulnerabilities, trust and feelings.
Key factors that build intimate relationships include:
- Trust
- Acceptance
- Honesty
- Safety and security
- Compassion
- Affection
- Communication
Relationships that lack emotional intimacy might struggle with trust issues, poor communication, hidden emotions and secrets. For example, a spouse may be blindsided by their long-term partner’s desire to leave the relationship. Looking back, they may discover moments in their relationship when there was an emotional distance between them.
Ideally, partners should work on building emotional intimacy and maintaining it throughout their relationship, whether new or long-term. Recognizing your role in improving emotional intimacy and being more open and vulnerable can help strengthen your relationship.
6 Tips for Deepening Emotional Intimacy
Building emotional intimacy is about maintaining trust, communication and compassion in your relationship. With that in mind, let’s look at a few tips for emotional intimacy that you can try in any relationship:
1. Shake up the Routine
When you feel that you lack emotional intimacy in your relationship, it may be due to routine. When you fall into a routine, you might become bored, which might feel like a stark difference from the beginning of the relationship, when everything was new and exciting. You start generating more joy and intimacy when you stop doing what you’ve always done.
Going on a vacation or trying out something new with a loved one can help you improve emotional intimacy. It gives you a chance to communicate, experience something new and have fun in the process. Take inspiration from those early days in your relationship and do something spontaneous. Taking time for each other is essential without getting lost in our day-to-day routines.
2. Silence the Electronics
Deep emotional intimacy depends on a significant amount of meaningful conversation. While texting and emailing are practical ways to stay in touch when you’re apart and too busy to talk, consider turning off electronics when you’re physically present with your partner.
This means silencing the computer, television, cell phone or video game console when you’re together. Spend more time talking, sharing and looking at each other when you’re alone with your loved one. A helpful tip is to plan time without phones by placing them in another room for at least an hour while spending time together.
3. Open up to Each Other
There’s a reason people place communication as the top priority in a healthy relationship. When you make time to listen and tell your partner how you truly feel, you can build a greater understanding of each other. The more you understand each other, the closer you become and the easier it gets to handle conflict or disagreements.
Open up to each other to build emotional intimacy by sharing parts of yourself. You might discuss embarrassing secrets or deepest fears — this vital time spent communicating shows that you can trust your loved one. Showing your partner that they can trust you will also help them feel closer to you.
Sharing your deepest, most authentic self can make you feel vulnerable. People with deep emotional intimacy feel safe enough to put themselves out there and know the other person will listen and support them without judgment.
Opening up is essential to building emotional intimacy, but telling your loved one how much you care about them is equally important. Verbal affirmations and signs of affection can show how much you genuinely care about the other person.
A kiss between couples or a hug between a parent and child are examples of physical affection. But sometimes love can be unspoken, such as a friend spending time on their day off to help you with a task simply because they care. Some people have specific love languages that can help you determine the best way to show your love for them.
Feeling cared for in any relationship feels terrific. You know your best friend will be there for you after a bad breakup. You know your sister will call you weekly to ask how you’re doing. Affection and compassion are vital to helping build emotional intimacy.
5. Find a Balance Between Self and Couple
In a healthy, emotionally intimate relationship, both partners have their hobbies and personal lives apart from the time they spend together. Too much togetherness can deplete energy from the relationship. So, it’s crucial that both partners engage in self-care to strengthen the relationship. Invest in yourself, your wellness and personal development.
When you feel better about yourself and the way you think and feel, you can participate in the relationship more completely and meaningfully. Spend quality time with yourself. Stay faithful to your priorities and look for ways to continue growing as an individual to improve emotional intimacy in your relationship.
6. Spend More Time Together
The best way to build intimate relationships is by spending more time with your loved ones. While this may be challenging in some relationships, especially those with high-stress jobs or childcare, just setting aside short moments from your day to spend together can be powerful. For instance, you might share a cup of coffee with your partner each morning to relax and engage in conversation before going your separate ways.
If you have an hour off work each day, invite a friend to lunch. There are several ways you can make time to spend it with the ones you love and improve emotional intimacy.
Contact Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates in Andover for Professional Support
If you feel that a lack of emotional intimacy is causing issues in your relationship[, you may want to seek professional help. You may have grown apart without realizing it, avoided intimacy due to deep-seated issues or become distracted by the demands of life. These problems can be solved with dedication, time and sincere attention.
At Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates, our professionals can help you build or improve your emotional intimacy. We’ll help you find the solution for your relationship while supporting you the entire way.
To schedule an appointment, fill out our online form today.