The word narcissism is often used to describe someone who is vain or full of themselves. But in psychological terms, narcissism is far more complex. In reality, people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) have an inflated image of themselves because it helps them avoid intense feelings of insecurity. The mental health disorder is marked by dysfunctional attitudes and behaviors to help prop up these delusions of extreme self-importance.
But what happens when you have a close relationship with someone who displays these behaviors? Are they narcissistic? Only a professional can accurately diagnose the condition, but there are a few signs that help you determine if you may be dealing with a narcissist. Learn the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and professional recommendations for what to do in this situation.
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissism is a mental condition characterized by a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, an inflated ego and a lack of empathy for others. For people with narcissistic personality disorder, behind their mask of self-assurance lies a fragile self-esteem damaged by even the slightest criticism.
Narcissism falls under a spectrum, with those on the higher end classified as having NPD, while others fall lower on the spectrum but still display narcissistic traits.
Researchers and experts have established five different types of narcissism:
- Malignant narcissism
- Overt narcissism
- Covert narcissism
- Communal narcissism
- Antagonistic narcissism
The mental health condition often causes significant issues in many areas of life, including work, relationships, school and even finances. People with narcissism may feel they deserve favors or special attention and then become disappointed and unhappy when they do not receive it from others. They often feel unfilled in relationships, while the people in their life might not enjoy being around them.
While everyone can show occasional narcissistic behavior, genuine narcissists disregard their feelings and the feelings of those around them.
5 Signs of a Narcissist
Even if you understand the diagnostic criteria, it can be tricky to identify the symptoms of NPD in someone, especially if you have a family member with NPD or you’re romantically involved with one. For this reason, experts will need to administer a Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) to accurately diagnose them with NPD.
Still, knowing the signs of a narcissist might give your relationship some context. Here are a few signs and symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder to watch for:
1. They Were Charming at First
People who display signs of narcissism are often charming and charismatic at first. If you’re in a relationship with one, you might have believed them to be kind and warm initially, only to discover their true personality later down the road. Perhaps your partner complimented you constantly or told you they loved you within the first month. Or maybe they remarked on how smart you are or emphasized your compatibility, even when you first started seeing them.
Narcissists often manufacture superficial connections at the beginning of a relationship to reinforce ideas about themselves. They often see their partners as extensions of themselves but lose interest as the novelty wears off.
2. They Steer Conversations to Talk About Themselves
People with NPD have an inflated sense of self-importance and often exaggerate their achievements. The behavior stems from a desire to be seen as superior. They often talk about their accomplishments with grandiosity to mask their true feelings of insecurity.
They also embellish their skills and talents to gain adoration from others. When they feel important and loved, it inflates their ego more. If you find your partner shrugs off your attempts to talk about yourself, this can signal they’re a narcissist.
3. They Lack Empathy
A lack of empathy, or inability to feel how another person is feeling, is one of the trademark symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissists find it extremely difficult to understand the perspective of others. If you have a family member or partner with NPD, you’ll notice they lack the ability to make you feel validated, understood and accepted. They might not care when you’ve had a hard day at work or school or get bored when you try to express the things that upset you.
4. They’re Manipulative
Another common symptom of narcissism is manipulative or controlling behavior. If you know someone who, at first, tries to please you and then quickly finds a way to put their own needs first, this is a huge red flag. Narcissists often attempt to keep their partner or loved-one from their friends or other family members as a means to maintain control over someone they are fixated on. They might even exploit others to gain something for themselves.
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and emotional abuse characteristic of narcissists. They may tell lies, falsely accuse others and distort your reality, especially when feeling challenged or faced with abandonment.
5. They Think They’re Right About Everything and Never Apologize
People with NPD are prone to arrogant behavior and attitudes, so standing up to one can feel impossible. There’s no way to debate or compromise with narcissists because they believe they are always right.
A person might be a narcissist if you feel like they:
- Don’t hear you.
- Won’t understand your perspective.
- Don’t take responsibility for their part of an issue.
- Don’t try to compromise.
Narcissists are often bolstered by arguments, which helps them feel in control. And since they believe they’re never wrong, they rarely apologize.
What to Do If You’re Dealing With a Narcissist
If you’ve noticed the above signs in someone you know, you might be dealing with a narcissist. Being in a relationship with a person who constantly criticizes, belittles or manipulates you can feel emotionally exhausting. The best thing to do in the situation is to create distance between yourself and the person with NPD. Then, you can begin the process of healing.
If you’re unsure how to handle a narcissist, try these tips:
- Remind yourself you deserve better.
- Strengthen your relationships with supportive, empathetic friends.
- Build a support network with friends and family who can help remind you what reality is.
- Avoid arguing with someone with NPD, as it often helps them strengthen control over you.
- Encourage your partner to talk with a therapist.
- See a therapist yourself.
Give Us a Call at (978) 482–7351
A mental health professional can help you learn how to handle a narcissist, including ways to mitigate the effects of their behavior or establish boundaries with the person. Professionals can also help you recover. People often have trouble assessing what is reality and need help regaining self-esteem after being in a manipulative relationship. In therapy, you can learn the tools to comfort yourself and move forward healthier and happier.
Get Professional Support at Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates
Being in a relationship with someone with NPD, platonically or otherwise, can be emotionally taxing. When you need support navigating the challenges, Merrimack Valley Psychological Associates can help.
We provide a wide range of counseling services to help you regain control of your life. Our team can help you cope with anxiety, NPD or depression in your relationship. We are here to learn about your relationships and empower you to build confidence and improve your life.
To schedule an appointment, reach out today.